She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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