it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
