Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
