Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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