So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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