i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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