Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
