she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
