was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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