What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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