So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
