As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
