i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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