you win again, gameday.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize