i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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