My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
