So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
