I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
