next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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