I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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