"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
