That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
