So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
