I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
