my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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