I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
