You just made me feel so damn special
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
