I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
