Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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