i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
