i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
