I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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