I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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