So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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