I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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