I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
