Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
