I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
