Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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