Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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