I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
