I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
