Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
