Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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