This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
