It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
