I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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