Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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