Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
