Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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