I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
two words...techno handjob
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
