The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
