I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
