I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize