yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
