he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
