man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
