It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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