the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
