I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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