This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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