You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he puts the penis in happiness.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
