I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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