She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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