How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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