i was born a porn star she said
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
