remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
