piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
