Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize