Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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