She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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