OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
