I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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