no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize