I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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