god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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