I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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