There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
