Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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