HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
