Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
