dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
