becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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