Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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