We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
