UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
