How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
