Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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