I'm lost and stupid without you.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
