pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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