And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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