i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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