tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
