Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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